Some kid:
"Ya, what is your favourite hockey team?"
Paul:
"Oh, well uhh... The Toronto Maple Leafs"
Some kid:
"You're an idiot."
Paul:
"I know. "
--- Moments Pass---
Some Kid:
"Hey Mister"
Adam:
"Hey kid, what's up?"
Some Kid:
"What's YOUR favorite hockey team?"
Adam:
"Definitely the Florida Panters"
Some Kid:
"At least you're not an idiot like that Paul guy"
Adam:
"I respect Paul as a person"
Some Kid:
"You're an ass hole"
--- Paul eves drops on conversation as he is walking away and turns around ---
Paul:
"Hey kid...
Some Kid:
"Huh?"
Paul:
"Screw you... and AddieB?"
Adam:
"Huh?"
Paul:
"Listen up. Fact 1, the Florida Panthers have failed to make the playoffs in seven consecutive seasons. Fact 2, they had the most racist goalie of all time (John Vanbiesbrouck). Fact 3, The Florida Panthers have never won a Stanley Cup. They reached the Stanley Cup final only once in 1996. Fact 4, they throw stupid rats all over the ice. How does AddieB even like the Panthers anyway?"
Adam:
"You went too far Paul"
Some Kid:
"Ya mister.. you're a real jerk"
Paul:
**walks off**
Adam & Some Kid:
"The Leafs suck!!!"
Adam:
"Hey Kid, you want to go get some ice cream?"
Some Kid:
"Ya!"
**Adam and Some Kid walk off into the sunset holding hands**
--Time Passes--
Some Kid:
"Hey Adam"
Adam :
"Yeah, kid?"
Some Kid:
"That stuff he said about the beezer, it's not true, is it?"
Adam:
"Unfortunately, yeah kid, the beezer is a racist, he actually stopped the team from calling themselves the black panters"
Some Kid:
"oh..."
Adam:
"Yeah"
Some Kid:
"Hey, Adam?"
Adam:
"Yeah Kid?"
Some Kid:
"...nevermind"
Adam:
"Hey Kid, I have an idea, let's go play NHL 97!"
Some Kid:
"really!? with the beezer on the cover? no way!"
Adam:
"Yeah kid, with the beezer on the cover"
Some Kid:
"Oh Wow! No Way!"
Adam:
"Yeah"
Some Kid:
"Um, Adam...were the Maple Leafs ever good?"
Adam:
"A long time ago, kid...a long time ago..."
Some Kid:
"Do you think they'll ever be good again?"
Adam:
"Now kid, listen - I don't pretend to know the future, I can't look into some crystal ball and tell you what's going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the next day...even if I could, I don't think I'd want to..."
Some Kid:
"oh..."
Adam:
"....but no, the Leafs will never be good again."
Some Kid:
"yay!"
--- An old degenerate bum in a nearby ditch overhears the conversation ---
Old Degenerate Bum In a Nearby Ditch (ODBIND):
**coughing** "Arrrghg mumble mumble... Ay Ree-member when thee leafs were goooood "
Adam & Some Kid:
**Astutely staring in disbelief. Jaws jarred open**
ODBIND:
**farts** "eeet was eeelong tiiime agOoooo" **followed by silence**
Adam:
"So is that all you have to say?"
ODBIND:
**more coughing** "Yeees... dat is awl"
Some kid:
"Well you really contributed nothing to the conversation"
Adam:
"Ya, no kidding. All you did was mumble, fart and cough. What you just did was meaningless"
ODBIND:
**swatting flies away from his face** "Ay'm sooooorree"
Adam:
"Typical leafs fan..."
Some kid:
"You wanna rough this mother-f***er up!?!?!"
Adam:
"Whoa! easy there boy. In time son... in time..."
ODBIND:
"bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!"
**Paul comes barging in**
Paul:
"Hey! leave him alone! Gerty, did they hurt you?"
ODBIND (aka Gerty):
"bwaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!"
Paul:
"It's ok Gerty... there there... Paul's here now. Everythings ok."
ODBIND:
**sucking on thumb**
Paul:
"C'mon Gerty, lets go get some ice-cream"
**Paul & Gerty walk off into the distance holding hands**
---
Some Kid:
"Hey, Adam?"
Adam:
"Yeah, kid?"
Some Kid:
"Do you think we should follow them?"
Adam:
"Nah, kid, let them revel in the glory years, sometimes that's all we have to hang on to...Let Paul rejoice at the idea of Wendell Clark, let Gerty flutter like a pidgeon having a heart attack at the thought of Doug Gilmour...they need it, it's what keeps them hanging on. You know what kid?"
Some Kid:
"What Adam?"
Adam:
"I bet a Leafs fan could wander the desert for 41 years."
Some Kid:
"Wow, that's a long time."
Adam:
"I know kid, it really is..."
*Turn, Turn, Turn, by the Byrds begins to play*
Some Kid (Internal monologue voiced by Daniel Stern):
"I remember that fall like it was yesterday, so much optimism and hope for the future. Things were changing, people were changing, times were changing and me, well, I felt like I Was just along for the ride. To be a young boy trying to understand a world gone crazy, I could hardly figure out what was happening to me, let alone everybody else. I knew one thing though, one thing I could always depend on, Winnie Cooper - my best friend - the girl of my dreams and everything I wished I could have some day. I never said it to her and she wouldn't acknowledge it, but that was the day I fell in love with Winnie. ...Also I could always depend on the Leafs sucking.
Adam:
"Hey Kid, whadaya say we toss the ol ball around...we can pretend to be the Toronto Blue Jays!
Some Kid:
"oh....yeah.....that would be great......"
Adam:
...
Some Kid:
...
Adam:
"bwahahahaha, I'm just messin with ya kid, the Jays suck worse than the Leafs! Come on, let's be the Philly's
Some Kid:
YAY!!!!! Philidelphia!
*To Everythiiiiiiing Tuuuuuurn Tuuuuuuurn Tuuuuuuuuuuurn, There is a season tuuuuurn tuuuuurn tuuuuuuuuurn*
